The Last 48hrs.

These past 48hrs have been the horrible. I am a emotional wreck. I found out wed. that my boyfriend had done some really terible things. I have have been so confused and shocked. Everyone around me tells me they knew it and i need to move on and forget him. But its really not that simple, I love him. Like i was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. Sometimes i think that i just need to forget and move on cause obviously i didnt mean as much to him as he ment to me. He hasnt called since or texted nothing i know theres nothing he can really say to make anything go away but just the effort would make me feel so much better if he would have fought for me seemed sorry or regretful, i wouldnt feel so horrible. I think its the fact that he almost seemed realived like now he can go on and do what he wanted with out me holdinh him back. It sucks really bad to think that its so easy for him to just live with out me and im over here fighting not to cry every chance im alone. Everytime my phone goes off i run to it thinking its him, i never know what i will say or do but i miss him. We used to say neither one of us could do anything that horrible to where we would seperate forever. I still belive that, i dont think he is ready now he has alot of growing up to do but i think that one day he might be. The people who i have talk to about this think im crazy and stupid for thinking he will change or waiting for him, but i dont want anyone else i dont want a life with anyone but him so yes i guess that means i will wait. But i dont know if im waiting for a lost cause. I wish he would just talk to me so i can see if he really just doesnt love me and wantes to live that kind of life. than ill be forced to move on to let go. But until than i dont think i can. Im trying to stay busy going places cheer just trying not to think so much about everything. None of it make sense sometimes, things we have said to eachother promised each other i would never have thought it could or would just end like this. thought we were strong enough. thought we were different speacial. Guess i was wrong but everyone else seemed to be right. Not even a week ago i was laying in his bed and we were looking at eachtother, he told me he loved me so much and i told him the same. I would say i loved him more and he would act like that was the biggest lie ever like he loved me more. But how could he? how could he love me so much but be willing to do this to me. I dont know maybe its just me but sex is something special that should be intimate and brings people closer together. To find out his doing this with other people that hes starring at them the way he woudl look at me hurts so bad. Maybe i am  the stupid naive girl everyone thinks i am, But i cant let go i cant stop thinking why. why wasnt he strong enough. why wasnt i enough. I tried being mad and hating him but i cant i just dont understand how i could love someone so much and think we were so prefect to find out in five mins it was all a lie. I cant even begin to explain how dumb i feel sometimes like i should have know, this day and age the type of enivorment he is around how could he ever want to settle down with me ha. But like i said maybe one day.

My one and Only❤

This here is my boyfriend Dyvonne Randle:) Besides my daughter he is the best thing that has ever happen to me. Our story is long, well not really but for me it has been a life time. We met in high school our freshmen year, freshmen year I was confused. I diidnt know what I wanted or who, from what he says, he asked me out freshmen year and I told him no I don't like black guys. I don't remember saying this but apparently Thats what I said. After he never tried again but still secretly crushed on me. Crazy part is I always secretly crushed on him as well, so did friends around me so I never acted on it. the end of jr year we were painting the senior lawn and at this time both of us we single, we flirted and played with paint and even exchanged numbers, I texted him later that night and never got a response also the next day still no response. I was a varsity cheerleader and dyvonne a Varsity football player, the senior cheerleader get to adopt a senior football player for the year to basically make them posters flyers snacks whatever we feel like to boost spirit. I chose Dyvonne, made him cupcakes and posters always have him a hug and said hi when I saw him. Something I never knew was that he hated the fact that I chose him. He accepted my gift was always polite I had no idea until recently he still resented me for turning him down freshmen year. After high school we went out separate ways, he got his own place with a group of friends and lived the young wild and free life style. I on the other hand had my daughter, Sophia Raeyln and attended school. Almost a year after my daughter father and I spilt and 8 months after he moved out dyvonne dropped of a mutual friend of ours at my house. He got out the car and said high and gave me a hug, all high school feeling I ever had for him smacked me in the face. I just thought wow he has grown up and nicely:) I asked my friend if he was taken and the response was no I also squeezed out his number. Because of the response I got last time I tried contacting him I was scared to do so again. Since high school my appearance had changed a lot I was nervous maybe he didn't want to talk To me. He took asked the same friend for my number and was nervous as well to contact me because I turn him down once already. I think 2 weeks went by until we finally started talking, April 3, 2011 was the day it all started. From that day and on we couldn't of been more perfect for each other in ever way. He's stubborn I'm understand we are complete opposites but exactly the same. From the moment we first kissed I have been in love with him. Of course I didn't tell him that, waited a awhile but not as long as he did. Lately our relationship has been really hard we try and stay strong and fight through it. We love one another with ever ounce of our being. I can not live with out him, I can't even not talk to him for to long. He lives in San bernardino and I live in Victorville, a long distance relationship. Everyone always tells me they never last buti am determined to prove them wrong. I feel like our love is strong enough to work throu any obstacle. Our lives our just starting and we have so much more to live and we plan on living it together:) always and forever❤

Day #1 in my Crazy Life.

Hello People:)
Last night i got my car!! super exciting Melissa is back on the streets BEWARE!! So far today i had an interview this morning at Disneyland, went OK. The guy that interviewed me was a jerk face! I used to work for Disne and i had bad attendance cuz i was driving from victorville and i had school, he basically told me that if i didn't have such a great personality and didn't have great references from my old leads we wouldn't hire me. But, he did because i am awesome and theres no way he can turn me down. Now, i am at my mom's friends car shop and he is smogging and doing all the good stuff for my new car. I'm thinking of a name for it its brown ugly yes but umm maybe Brownie lol...got any ideas?  For the rest of my day I'm hoping i can get over to my boyfriends house!! i miss him so much i never get to see him he lives in san bernardino while i live in victorville. He does not have a car and my mother hates him so i have to aways find time to get to him:( My mm used to like him before they fought in her car and she throu him out of the car. crazy. His name is Dyvonne and he is amazing i LOVE him and he LOVES me what more is there to ask for. We are both 20 and crazy about each other, no matter the odds our love story will make to the happy ending it deserves.

My car is done smog checked. Now DMV fun:/.
Until next time.

Love This Movie & Quote

Story Of my Life:)

Hello There,
This is my very first blog and I'm actually excited:) Honestly, I'm kind of bored I'm sitting in my class room and decided "hey why not start a blog". I figured this could be fun, really who wants to listen to me ramble on about my day and such. Than i realized who cares this is a fun and creative way for me to vent and share my thoughts to well the world. I like taking and looking at pictures so allot of my post might be just that. I'm a reader no one around me reads so i now have a way to share my thoughts on my books:) I am also a over thinker, and i stress allot venting can be the main use of this blog. Well, i think that's about it for now, i still getting use to the layouts and stuff so once I'm more comfortable ill be back:)